Observations
Mediating family business tensions shows that understanding the characters, personalities, and life stories of relevant family members is at least as important as the technical skills and processes used to help resolve their conflict.
Without an empathic understanding of what’s driving the humans, I can’t accurately detect, much less help them frame for use, the significant questions they need to ask themselves, and others, to ground and commence any conflict resolution process.
Every sentient being on the planet is hard-wired from birth by genetics, and subsequently shaped by environmental conditioning (socio-economics, education, religion, and other factors), to develop into the individuals they ultimately become.
Life-altering events, including near-death experiences, can induce major changes to character and personality, but most of us simply develop into the people we’re destined to become.
Individuals are perceived, and are consciously or subconsciously defined, by their character and personality – how others expect them to respond to any external stimulus. But here’s the rub: although our thoughts and attitudes define us in our own minds (ie: I believe I’m a decent bloke), the practical reality is that others judge us by our actions (ie: I’ve seen him behave like a complete horse’s arse, so that’s what he is).
Consequence
Don’t expect a rampant entrepreneur to become a caring and nurturing parent, just because they can see their family imploding. The Leopard doesn’t change its spots.
Learnings
Psychs tells us we can choose how to feel about almost anyone, or anything, provided we have a reasonable level of control over our emotions. That enables us to proactively control our own lives. Alternatively, when we allow ourselves to lose control, we get frustrated, angry, stressed, and compelled to react to the directions of others, or to withdraw from the field of play, altogether.
For a better life, don’t get worked up when someone behaves as they’re hard-wired to behave. Celebrate your own wisdom in having already worked them out. Take their bad behaviour as confirmation of the accuracy of your diagnosis.
When you deal with anyone, respond to who and what they really are, not to what you’d like them to be.
When you’ve worked out who and what a person is (ie: decent bloke or horse’s arse) don’t be surprised or upset when their actions fit your expectations – the Leopard doesn’t change its spots.
